2013 In Review

Well, another year has come and gone, and what's more this year was a year that ought to never have occurred. What's that mean? Well, if you remember in 2012 the world should have ended on December 21. So 2013 was a year of new beginnings.

This year was a transformative year for me, as well. Spiritually there were many things that marked a dramatic change for me. I faced many doubts and trials, and I feel that I overcame many obstacles. I have come out stronger, and I feel deeper connections with my family and friends that have stood by me and supported me.

As some people know, I turned away from my faith and my beliefs in Christianity some time ago, and came back to faith under the conviction that I was denying apart of myself. This led me to gradually enter into new and deeper understandings of how we relate to God, Jesus, the Bible, and the Church and my beliefs in Christianity were restored. Though, admittedly, through this journey I have never fully felt at home in the Christian faith.

This year, many of my beliefs were challenged... My belief in the resurrection. My belief in the Bible as being inspired. My belief in the Spiritual Presence. My belief in the Church to represent the People of God. In all this, my belief in myself was challenged, as well.

I had no sense of how to identify myself as a Christian, while it seemed that most of my Christians beliefs were opposed or even heretical to what many Christians around me would think. But as the year ended I began to have a breakthrough. I found others like me, but more importantly, I made a choice. I resolved to be the person I wanted to be. To not judge my own faith by the standards of other people, and to include as many as possible into my world. I resolved that my beliefs, if there were wrong would work themselves out as long as my heart was open to those around me, and as long as I didn't feel the need to hide who I am.

Like it or not, I think many Christians feel a hidden fear to conform and identify their beliefs with what is seen as what "most" Christians believe. We all question our beliefs or think that certain beliefs don't make sense, but believe anyways, because somehow we think this is the "Christian" think to do. We all want to be good Christian boys and girls, but when I decided to come back to Christianity I decided in my heart that I would never let fear rule my faith, and this was the last battleground I needed to fight. I don't need people to think I am a good Christian in order to do the work of God. Or more importantly, I do not need the approval of others in order to believe that I am approved of God.

The Gospel is new every day, and for every person, and at every age. This year this was my Gospel.

There are some serious events to consider for the year in review. My son was born in the spring. I left a church that I had been member of for over ten years. I accepted a job promotion which gave me a new schedule. And I got a vasectomy. Leila started school this year. And Bella began 2nd grade.

My only regret for this year is that in my quest to understand my Christian identity I lost a good friend. I wish things could have been different, but I was put in a position where I was expected to deny who I was and that was unacceptable to me. What is encouraging to me is that I came out better because of it, and I have no hard feelings toward anyone. And I am hopeful that reconciliation is still possible in the future.

But I feel certain now of the work that God has for me, and I have overcome the obstacles that would hinder my faith in pursuing this goal. It is the Gospel that is my passion, and it is in communicating this Gospel to everyone. I have my bearings now, and am charting my course. I am going to build a community of faith. When and where. I do not know, yet. Maybe this year things will get clearer. But for now this is where I am at. May the next chapter begin!